


Gratuitous Knife Porn: Avengers Edition

by VegasKid013



Series: Gratuitous Knife Porn [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Not actually porn, So Many Knives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 17:56:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14676390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VegasKid013/pseuds/VegasKid013
Summary: Natasha prefers Spyderco brand knives, of course.





	Gratuitous Knife Porn: Avengers Edition

CHARACTER NAME: The Black Widow, Natalia, Natasha

HER KNIVES: Spyderco Autonomy, Spyderco Throwers (small), Spyderco Ladybug. (With a name like that and the spider logo on the blade, there's no way she's buying knives from anyone but Spyderco. Those knives are made for her, it's right there in the company's name.)

WHAT SHE DOES WITH THEM: Wears far too many of the Throwers concealed about her body -- none of the Avengers are quite sure exactly how many she's got or exactly where she hides them all, all they know is that no one's seen her fail to produce one when there's something that requires impalement. Keeps the Autonomy close at hand, ready to spring open at the press of a button and cut a man's throat. The miniscule Ladybug goes on her keychain for use in situations where discretion is key and a larger knife would draw the wrong sort of attention.

KNIFE PORN:

  
  
  


CHARACTER NAME: Steve Rogers, Captain America

HIS KNIVES: Opinel No. 8 Slim

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: Sharpens his drawing pencils, mostly. He's never liked the electric pencil sharpener Tony provided in his room at the Tower -- the noise, the way it cuts away too much of the lead and wastes the pencil faster. It's not the same knife as the one his mother bought him for his eighth birthday -- God, he doesn't even know where it is now, probably rusted away to nothing in Germany decades ago -- but this is as close as he can find to it, and -- well, Opinel hasn't changed their designs much. It's one of the rare few things in this alien new world that feels comfortingly familiar.

KNIFE PORN:

  
  
  


CHARACTER NAME: The Winter Soldier, The Asset, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky

HIS KNIVES: KA-BAR Tanto (large), Gerber Guardian

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: Black, tactical, and murder-y is kind of his thing, and his knives fit the aesthetic. His main knife is a full-size tanto-point KA-BAR with a coated blade, real good for hacking through branches or limbs or prying open doors when the cracks are too small for his metal fingers to find purchase and there's nothing better around to do it with. You should never pry with a knife, kids, but if you absolutely have to, this is the one to do it with, it's built like a crowbar. The dagger makes a good backup weapon in a pinch; that's what they told him, and it's not the Asset's place to ask questions so he just nodded and put it on. He can't be sure with all the memory wiping, but he doesn't think he's needed to use it once.

KNIFE PORN:

  
  
  


CHARACTER NAME: The Hulk

HIS KNIVES: None

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: Hah, as if the Hulk would need a knife. As a toothpick, maybe.

KNIFE PORN:  
Sadly not applicable in this situation.

 

CHARACTER NAME: Bruce Banner, Ph.D.

HIS KNIVES: A variety of surgical quality scalpels, lasers

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: Knives don't make cuts with the level of precision he needs in his work. He prefers surgical scalpels, or laser beams (for the cases where severing a single atom of material too much or too little would have disastrous results).

KNIFE PORN:  
Unfortunately not.

 

CHARACTER NAME: Iron Man, Tony Stark, genius billionaire playboy philanthropist

HIS KNIVES: The suit has a built-in multitool sort of thing on one of the fingers with choices of eleven different blades in all sorts of shapes -- drop-point, wharncliffe, hawkbill, serrated and non-serrated, you name it. There's even a small scissors and a sawblade as two of the options.

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: Nothing mostly. He showed them off to Pepper that one time, but she just rolled her eyes and asked what he wanted with eleven different blades when the suit has got lasers precise enough to cut whatever wants cutting, and anyway he'd find it hard to do any task requiring fine dexterity while wearing what basically amounts to thick metal gloves. Mostly he just added them to the suit because heck, why not? When you go to the trouble to build a super-cool flying suit of awesomeness, you don't go leaving neat stuff out of the awesome design just because you probably won't use it much.

KNIFE PORN:  
The exact specifications of anything to do with the suit is as classified and secret as Tony knows how to make it. However, the blades probably look something like the ones on this Victorinox multitool:

  
  
  


CHARACTER NAME: Thor Odinson, God of Thunder

HIS KNIVES: Knives are weapons for cowards!

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: It is dishonorable to skulk about, stabbing enemies in the back. Thor is no Loki, and is offended you'd suggest such a thing. The bold and honest hammer is clearly the superior weapon.

KNIFE PORN:  
Also sadly not applicable.

 

CHARACTER NAME: Loki Laufeyson, God of Mischief

HIS KNIVES: Magically conjured things of perfect beauty and wickedly sharp edges, unlike any Earth knife ever made. They tend to have hooked blades and lots of serrations, because that way they scare people more, and precious gems embedded in the handles, because they're prettier that way. They evaporate into nothingness when he's done murdering people.

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: Not much fighting, actually. Magic is so much cleaner and less dangerous. They're good for intimidating people, sometimes. (Honestly, he mostly uses them just because it irritates Thor.)

KNIFE PORN:  
Media has unfortunately been unable to capture a clear photo of the blades as of yet, due to the mysterious disappearance of all knife-related footage after every Loki encounter.

 

CHARACTER NAME: Nick Fury

HIS KNIVES: Benchmade Hunt Crooked River

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: Opens packages that needs opening. Opens letters containing paperwork. Carefully strops and oils the blade every couple of weeks, sends it in to Benchmade for a professional sharpening when it gets dull enough that a good stropping can't save the edge. Otherwise keeps it in his pocket. A knife is a tool, not a weapon. If he needs to have someone dead, he'll shoot them, or have his SHIELD do it.

KNIFE PORN:

  
  
  


CHARACTER NAME: Hawkeye, Clint Barton

HIS KNIVES: The "Master" Knife

WHAT HE DOES WITH THEM: Forgets he has it, leaves it at home, ignores it in favor of his arrows. It's some crappy thing that he got for five bucks at a flea market one time (he can't remember why) with a wobbly blade and stupid-looking serrations on half of it. He doesn't care about knives, he's got his arrows. One of the arrows probably has a knife-blade for a tip anyway, or sharp-edged fletching, or can turn into a knife like a Transformer or something.

KNIFE PORN:  
This is hilarious and exactly describes the kind of knife Hawkeye would buy:  


**Author's Note:**

> All images property of BladeHQ.


End file.
